The certain one is Catalyst. Try changing your hair color/colour to black before you use kin.
When people login and d/c you, its because you might not have a certain patch. Make sure you downloaded ALL the patches.
Lag is because of your distance from the server. For me, its across the continent, where the server is located somewhere in south-east USA. I only get a couple second delay, so try testing your internet speed. And if your using wireless, that might be the case.